Be True to Your Inner Self
Powerful lessons are eloquently shared. Pat shares from the heart in hopes that she can stop a cycle and save herself and others.
– C&P B.
Truth, with help, will find its way.
This is one woman’s story—one woman’s story and there are millions more that need to be told with this depth of honesty and commitment.
Much of life can be caught up in a cycle, a sticking web if you will, of patterns that emerged in childhood, frequently passed on generation to generation. When a child is diminished through whatever means there is often the unconscious need to, even as a grown and otherwise competent adult, please, to try to find favor with the abuser, the one who diminished the inner child, literally the inner soul of the person.
The sense of being unloved, indeed unlovable, permeates the life of the child, of the adult, rendering a self-image that is unreal, negative, needy, and often quite codependent. The person will continue to try to please, accept less than in reality they deserve. The continued false hope carries on that the “situation” that did and does diminish can be changed, altered so that the real love, the unconditional love so sought will emerge. The loss of self spirals, the codependency increases. The trust, the commitment, the love that was verbalized by the new partner if thoroughly examined ex post facto never really existed, the person who put out so much need living in an fantasy of what truly exists.
That type of situation can lead to explosive disaster, more rejection, more pain, OR the injured party can, overtime, deeply examine what lies beneath their pain, their constant repetition of attracting the same kind of person who will, without fail, once again bring them rejection.
All this above we know—it is just that we don’t apply it to our own situations, blind sided by our own history. How many still feel the sting, the pain of some incident in elementary or high school , some recurring pain in the family, that put a hole in us. How many of us are willing to face it head on and examine it impact?
But this is what Ms. Grissom does—literally personal archaeology, digging strata by strata through her relationship with her father, her first husband, and her second husband, Rael. Her journey is there for you page by page, e-mail by e-mail, events, disappointments, highs, and lows. As you start reading this you may wonder why she married a man with Rael’s compulsions; dig deeper. As you read you will see her strengths, her weaknesses, her history—her steps forward to self-emergence, her vacillations. Pat’s story is not one to be judged, it is to be contemplated in terms of one’s own areas of weakness, of strengths, or price paid for happiness, security, way of life and people in your life.
The point of this testimony is transformation is possible—no rose gardens without thorns promised—a possible, difficult, painful journey to find self under all the layers of years. It is not what has happened to you, or, indeed, what you let happen, but what you do with it. Pat freed herself and founded DEW Dedicated to Empowering Women. Patgrissom.com One half of the purchase price of this book will go to a women’s shelter.
Also, check out One Billion Rising in the search for justice […]
Take a good long look while you read, and then do what you must to be free and help others to be so too.
Thank you, Pat for your honesty in this book. It will help others.
A book I felt in my gut! A work of courage!
This book is one which will appeal to anyone but, in particular, to women who have been in any kind of abusive relationship.
I grew up in an age, and in a southern family, where women were expected to live a supporting role in life. I was intensely aware that it was my job to keep the peace and make sure everyone was happy….except me. This led to many years of misery and almost the death of soul before I realized that I had given so much of myself away, I didn’t think there was anything left. I was empty and bereft of the will to go on. I was completely lost. I began the journey back to find myself and give myself permission to be happy. To realize that unless I was happy, I couldn’t make anyone else happy.
Along this road I met Pat and we developed a friendship and discovered we had much in common. Her book, Too Much Gold To Flush, was a milestone along my path; both showing me how much progress I had made, and showing me that I still had a way to go. It made me aware of so many things that I still did that self sabotaged. It is a work of great courage and tremendous personal insight. A very engaging and highly personal story, it sweeps you right up into her experience. I found myself pleading with her out loud as she describes almost making the same mistake again. I highly recommend it to anyone who is on the path to self discovery. She is a woman of integrity, honesty and authenticity. Buy one and settle in for a good read!
A Lovely Woman Scorned by the Man she Loved
This book is a provocative account of a woman who has so much love to give, but gives it to a man who could not or would not reciprocate it. The book takes the reader on Ms. Grissom’s journey of excitement, mystery, horror, and deceit as the story unfolds into an intricate story of deceit, love, adulterous relationships, and molestation by a sociopathic, narcissistic husband. As her emotional journey unfolds, the protagonist Grissom shares her innermost secrets of growing up in a dysfunctional family to show the reader the reason that she falls victim to a guy who makes her swoon while, simultaneously,ignoring the warning signs. However, before long into the relationship, the true colors of her sociopathic husband is revealed, and her life turns into utter chaos when she returns home from an African safari, totally unprepared for the brewing storm of emotion, as she lovingly awaits for the arms of her husband to enfold her as he shows how much he misses and loves her, which does not happen. This book is spell bounding, and the reader can hardly put it down without first finishing it.
An absolutely riveting memoir
I could not stop reading this book. It is a brutally honest account of a dysfunctional love story that draws you in, yet makes you see aspects of yourself. With some of the choices she makes and the excuses she uses, we can all see glimpses of ourselves and relate to the need to gloss over the red flags in our own lives. I loved the sharing of emails in this book, it really helped frame the mindset of Pat and the manipulation and narcissism of the husband. The conclusion is shocking but the overall story and the tone is hopeful. Pat uses her memoir as an exercise in growth and self awareness and that is inspiring. Her decision to donate half of the proceeds from her books to shelters for abused women is unique and heartwarming. Purchase this book, you will not regret it!
Pat Grissom is a survivor of emotional abuse.
Pat Grissom is a survivor of emotional abuse. She was incredibly brave to share her story in “Too Much Gold to Flush.” Pat’s story is heartbreaking because it has happened to so many women. It is a book that needs to be talked about and understood. The more aware we are of domestic abuse, the more we can help those suffering.
Raw and Honest
I had a hard time putting Pat’s book down as I had to see what would happen next! From the beginning, this text is raw and honest and just plain intriguing. God bless your soul, Pat, for enduring as you did. This book is a refreshing read, without filter, as if Pat’s sitting right next to you telling you her story. The added clever quotes from timeless prominent characters throughout add to the aethetics of the book. Her end of chapter recaps (nuggets) offer thoughtful life lessons and challenges that, at times, caused me to look within. When I was expecting the last chapter to make a completely predictable conclusion, it didn’t, and I was taken for a loop, a rather shocking loop. This is a brutally honest read that reminds me that we are all wired so differently and yet emotionally we’re so much the same. Thank you, Pat, for sharing from your heart.
I finished Pat’s book in two days flat, absolutely couldn’t stop reading. Despite knowing the outcome (though not all the horrifying details…) from the beginning of her memoir, her journey through such a terrible experience was still completely gripping. For me, it was half ‘omg I can’t believe that actually really happened!’ and half that she writes so honestly about something so personal (I’m trying pretty hard not to ruin the ending here, as it must be read to be believed). Some might take this book as a warning, a How Not to Date Guide, or even a horror story, and it has aspects of all three, but I also found it very uplifting. Pat’s ability to put her experiences out there for the world to see, and to take them as an opportunity, not for self-pity, but for learning, growing, and even helping others not to repeat their mistakes, is pretty inspirational. I’d highly recommend this book to just about anyone.
Whirlwind of a Ride!
Pat Grissom takes us on a roller-coaster, whirlwind ride into her relationship with a true heal of a man. What’s great about this book is how she not only survives, but how she delves into her own psyche and past to showcase the reason some highly intelligent women fall for those type of men! Pat peels away the layers of her childhood and young adulthood to shine the light where it needed to shine, and in so doing, gives unselfishly to women in need through her writing and her generous donations. I bet you enjoy this book!
While I found Pat Grissom’s book valuable on many levels; primarily what Grissom learned (the signs, growth experienced), I found Too Much Gold to Flush, a bit too graphic for my tastes. Having said that, I think what she has written will help many women struggling with the same relationship issues. I have not personally dealt with these issues myself and was probably not the best candidate for a review of Grissom’s book, but her writing was clear and the topics to the point. I appreciate her willingness to share a part of her life.
An Epic and Heroic Journey
Amazing book!!! The author takes us on a journey through her joy, her pain and finally her harmony and life-satisfaction. I would recommend this book to those who have experienced heartache, betrayal and the pain that results. The author is absolutely heroic in her healing process and tells us how to follow that same path. IThe book is highly absorbing. One word of warning…..when you pick it up, leave plenty of time in your schedule. I have given this as a gift to several of my friends. Most people can’t put it down and read it in one setting.
Too Much Gold to Flush by Pat Grissom
They say we can learn from history and avoid mistakes of the past. This is true in our personal history as Pat Grissom illustrates in her book, Too Much Gold To Flush. Through a series of emails the author presents the story of her relationship with a husband who ultimately betrays her. The compelling story allows the reader to see the red flags she either missed or denied as their connection grows. For those who have had problems in relationships and find themselves repeating the same mistakes, take a walk with this author on the path to healing and understanding. It is a very compelling read and one that will leave you with greater insight.
A Book of Hope, Healing, Choices and Change
Pat Grissom gets right to the “heart of the matter” in her book Too Much Gold to Flush. She is real, honest, and direct. She successfully gives the reader a clear connection between her childhood pain and the choices she makes in her adult relationships. She clearly demonstrates how she takes responsibility for her choices and starts the tedious process of rebuilding and creating a new healthier life.
Pat writes in understandable, practical language telling a very hard story that she makes interesting and easy to read. This is a very hopeful book and well worth reading for anyone to gain the insight and understanding needed to change ineffective and destructive interpersonal patterns of relating. I highly recommend it.
Riveting, captivating, and mesmerizing!
I could not put Pat Grissom’s book down once I started reading it. She captivates you with the details of her intricate relationship. I kept wanting to find out what would happen next. I was very surprised of the outcome and was very empathetic for Pat’s entire life of unimaginable, horrific encounters. But I’m glad she has turned her terrible experiences into positive ones. Sharing her experiences of unhealthy relationships is helping people become more aware of signs to watch for in their own relationships. In addition, she helps people learn to make healthy choices through the workshops she holds periodically, and the donations from the proceeds of the book for Women’s Shelters of your choice is a great benefit for abused and unfortunate women.
– Jo Ann
Too Much Gold to Flush is pure GOLD!
I have heard the phrase about being a whole person when entering a relationship, but WOW! I was so lucky so blessed, because I had issues. As I read I wanted to cry, I wanted to help, I wanted to hunt him down. This book was so engaging and then I saw some of my own problems and understood how much worse it could have been. I also knew I had missed some things. This book is both entertaining and helpful. Young and old women and men should read this book. It will transform your thinking and give you insight in an entertaining and gripping tale. Well worth the read and a beautiful book full of gold.
Too Much Gold to Flush… a book worth reading
Too Much Gold to Flush written by Pat Grissom, is a book worth reading. It’s for everyone. Whether you have been in some kind of dysfunctional relationship or have been in so called “normal” relationships with loved ones, this book will be an interesting read.
Pat courageously tells her story with transparency. She gives heartfelt and humorous reflections and then sums events up into nuggets of gold. Too Much Gold to Flush gives hope and direction for women who have felt betrayed in a relationship. For all, Pat offers a riveting story of life with all of its unexpected challenges.
Pat’s book is full of life’s problems, healing, and hope. It’s a must read for women.
Courageous personal account
Pat has written a riveting cautionary memoir that is a must read for every woman who has been in one or more dysfunctional relationships. I so appreciate Pat’s vulnerable account and the deep soul searching that led to owning her part in pursuing relationships that don’t support her best self. The writing is crisp and infused with wry humor. The numerous quotes sprinkled throughout the book are a delightful bonus.
Revealing memoir of love, abuse and growth
Too Much Gold to Flush is a thoroughly readable and detailed account of the author’s journey through love, abuse and betrayal. She searches why and how she allowed herself to become involved with her last husband and with other men in her past. Pat’s upbringing and personality pay a major role in her life’s choices along with so-called free will. Read along as she retells her story and watch her learn and grow in the process.
A Courageous Story
Pat Grissom’s story of betrayal and recovery is courageous and uplifting. It is a cautionary tale of how we often recreate the relationships that we have failed to heal and learn from as we grow older. And, at the same time, it is a road map of how we can use such experiences to deepen the relationship with self and expand our spiritual understanding. An easy and compelling read … I highly recommend it for everyone – not just women!
– Deep Watters
This book is an amazing chronicle of one woman’s journey. The organization of her events, thoughts and reflections back to childhood was intriguing and gave me many things to ponder. The quotes on each page are worth the price of the book alone!! I bought 12 copies!
Absorbing personal journey
A very absorbing story about a woman’s personal journey towards the healing of a deep wound. Ms. Grissom takes a hard look at herself and brings the reader with her on this compelling journey from illusion to insight. If you have ever been attracted to the wrong person this is a book just for you. You will want to finish in one sitting.
Too Much Gold
I applaud Pat for the courage to explore and pen her pain. Most of us wrap ourselves in a cloak of shame when our relationships fail. Pat has given us permission to move forward by sharing her journey.
Can’t put it down!
Loved they book a very candid look at a life lesson, Pat was good enough to let us into the most intimate details of her married life so that other woman can be aware! It is also very much a story of great healing! Beautifully written! Highly recommended!