I am precious, unique, and authentic.
To bring anything into your life, imagine that it’s already there. ~Richard Bach
Namaste’ Fellow Traveler,
As a child I passionately built playhouses. I spent days planning and constructing the perfect playhouse from the junk I salvaged from my dad’s trash pile on our cotton farm. While my dad periodically forbade me from creating these masterpieces, he referred to as an eye-sore, I never allowed
his mandates to stop me from my work. My driven behavior felt incredibly important, something I must do. It truly was my precious, unique, and authentic self in divine action.
Often I worked with such commitment that my stomach ached to the point that I had to go inside to lie on the couch until the pain passed. Then I charged back outside again, working until it was too dark to see or Mother called us in to supper. It was all about the building because I rarely played in them; I simply needed to feel that sense of accomplishment, to fulfill that need to create my own home. As an adult, I have looked back on those days and wondered if I wasn’t symbolically building a house that represented something different than the emotionally unhealthy place where I lived with my family.
One day right after I turned nine, I ran inside to use the restroom and realized the blood on my panties meant I was starting my period. Menstruation was something I knew about from the film the girls had seen at school with the boys relegated to the gym, but I thought that was something far in my future, not now when I was only nine years old. When I told my mom, she showed me what to do to take care of myself. With a pad securely in place, I asked her if I could go back outside and play, and she told me I should probably take it easy for the rest of the day. Lying on the couch, a sense of doom and dread encompassed me. In my mind, I had just entered a prison where I was destined to serve a lifetime sentence. I went from being a passionate playhouse-builder to imprisoned by what I thought was expected of me as a woman.
Living in a largely conservative part of the country where the concept of the women’s movement had not made a bleep on anyone’s radar, I felt destined to live the life I had seen growing up in a male dominated family and culture. Looking back on that time, I am deeply saddened to remember myself as a young girl who had previously seen no limits and was now totally convinced there was no way other than to replicate what I had seen growing up. Gone was my conviction that I could follow my inner knowing by living my precious, unique, and authentic life as I saw fit. Under the curse of what I thought womanhood entailed, I assumed a prisoner’s role, bound to the fate of marriage and family as my only conceivable objectives.
Because I was born with the Truth encoded in my spiritual DNA, and it has always been available to me, I started remembering who I was in my twenties – when I became a mother and realized that I was setting an example for my own children. In my thirties, I studied about the power of my mind and how it creates my world. In my forties, I embraced this radical notion of equality and thinking I could make decisions around what I wanted to do with my time – that my life was not 100% about my children, my husband, and my job. Ironically, about the time I quit having periods in my early fifties is when I finally gave myself permission to return to the freedom I felt as a child – to fill my days with what I wanted, to throw myself into my passion and marvel at the results.
After realizing why and how I created the story I’ve always lived by, I now have a clearer vision of how I would like to live my life moving forward. First and foremost, I want to spend my time totally independent of anyone else’s expectations. Approaching every choice as a creative exercise will be my operating system, from the work I do at the computer to how I live every aspect of my life, including cooking, exercise, play, chores, and
creating revenue. I want to return to the mindset I held as a child – the willingness to go with my creative energy and allow it to take me from one project and idea to the next, while problem solving, experimenting, and fully experiencing life along the way. I want to give myself permission to play, to live fully, and to passionately enjoy every minute of every day, whether I am engaged in mental, physical, or spiritual activities.
Journal Question: What is your ideal vision for your life – how would you like to use your time? More than a list of activities, I invite you to explore a mindset or an attitude that will serve as a formula for commanding the power of your thoughts, words, and actions. Note to self: I am saving ideas for how to make changes to implement this vision for the next day’s journal. Today I am focused on the perfect vision for how I use my time.
Affirmation from today’s writing? Example: I creatively live every minute of my life.
Review your journal entry and your affirmation then write a letter from your soul to you reflecting on both. Address the letter with a term of endearment because that is how your soul sees you. Then allow the love that your soul has for you to pour out onto the page.
Buen Camino, Pat
Freedom is not the right to live as we please, but the right to find how we ought to live in order to fulfill our potential. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson