When we make someone else responsible for how we feel, we not only give them power over us, we also blame them for our own thoughts and then make it their responsibility to “fix it.” ~Timber Hawkeye
I am entitled to miracles. Through forgiveness, I know I am love.
Namaste’ Fellow Travelers,
Our earliest opinion of ourselves are formed in infancy, before we have a concept of identity or self-esteem. In order to truly love ourselves, we must come to terms with these early impressions and how they have impacted our lives. While we had no idea we were creating these self-images, ultimately we are left with what we do with them – ignore their ongoing corrosive messages or consciously work toward seeing them for what they are. Having worked long and hard in this particular arena, I believe forgiveness is the most effective means of counteracting these early misconceptions.
Forgiveness for me is a process. First I need to truly own my part, which translate to – I made up these distorted beliefs based on my earliest experiences. We are all born perfect, divine being, but through the trials of living in an imperfect world, we very often get the message that we are a reflection of the imperfection we see around us. Once I claim ownership of having created the beliefs, I am now able to look at them as a false interpretation of the situation.
The next step is to look at your memories associated with the core beliefs about your worth. You may have specific incidents, stories, or a general feeling. How did these early impressions translate into beliefs about yourself and your self-worth? What were they? How did these beliefs translate into behaviors, habits, and patterns?
Now take a step back and try to see yourself with the love and compassion of a divine parent? That view will give you a much clearer picture of your true worth. It also takes some of the sting out of the memories that created those early impressions because you are looking at yourself with the eyes of love, not only for yourself, but also for the other players in your story – the individuals who were doing the best they knew how at the time.
Once you have a clear picture of what actually happened and why, you are free to release your hold on these crippling beliefs. Remarkably, once you let go of your self- judgment, your ill will towards others who played a part in their construction will often disappear or at least diminish. Letting go of the limiting belief that others are responsible for your life and how it has turned out takes them out of the driver’s seat and puts you behind the wheel. When you let go of the detrimental ideas formed in childhood, you also release the other prisoners held hostage in the war of your childhood – siblings and/or caregivers who may have knowingly or inadvertently hurt you.
Another forgiveness piece that is rarely stated, but is hugely important is letting go of the idea that self-care is selfish. Taking care of myself is a gift that only I can give myself. It is the most effective act of love we can give ourselves and indirectly others. By giving myself permission to honor my relationship with myself as the most important relationship I have, I am modeling healthy self-care for those I love. Ultimately, it is a gift I give to the people I love because it enables me to show up in their lives as my best self possible. When I accept responsibility for my life, rather than blaming others for my unhappiness, I am creating a life of unlimited joy in my relationship with myself and others.
This forgiveness practice does not condone any form of abuse in childhood. Instead, it may help to step out of a mindset mired in the emotional pain caused by the ongoing pain of mistreatment. Forgiveness facilitates shifting from the human ego view of those who created the situation to the divine perspective of everyone involved, the perpetrator as well as the victim. While it is often difficult to think of an abuser as divine, it helps to remember when they were abusing, they had lost sight of the Truth of who they were and who you were.
Journal Question: Still working with the beliefs that you identified in the previous journals (Day 26 and 27) explore these three steps: 1) identify your beliefs and own them as your creation, 2) explore their source, and 3) mentally step out of the ego perspective and into the soul in order to see them from a divine point of view. Next, objectively assess your level of self-care and how that reflects your relationship with yourself, your ability to love and care for yourself. Then, determine what idea about loving yourself are you ready to release and what gift are you willing to accept?
Affirmation: What positive statement can you glean from today’s writing? Example: I am now fully available and unconditionally loving to my child-self.
Forgiveness Practice: Since relationships are all about your relationship with yourself, which is truly intimate and personal, consider taking a luxuriant bath as your ritual for releasing and accepting. You will continue to work on healing relationships, although this forgiving practice or something like it can give you closure on your journaling, so that you are ready to move on to the next subject area.
Soul Letter: Review your journal entry, affirmation, and forgiveness practice before you write a letter from your soul to you reflecting on all three. Address the letter with a term of endearment because that is how your soul sees you. Then allow the love that your soul has for you to pour out onto the page.
Buen Camino, Pat
Forgiveness is opening to the song in our authentic self. ~Michael C. Rann & Elizabeth Rann Arrott, Shortcut to a Miracle