Step Two: I am the flow of change,
Judge your success not just by what you have accomplished, but by the person you have become. ~Ranjana Clark
Having enough money or time have been an ongoing mental struggle for me. Truthfully, I had/have all of the time and/or money that I need, but that did not fit with my negative core belief of unworthiness. My negative core belief served to keep me in constant fear of never having enough of either time or money. It is a mind game, and it is one that I have struggled to overcome. Knowing that there is a distinct difference between being present, as stated in Week 30 – “I am present,” and lapsing into the Battlefield of the Past and the Fear Forest of the Future has helped enormously.
Ten years ago following the divorce from my first husband, I was struggling to feel financially secure, so I took a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class. I was the only one in there who had all of my credit cards paid off and was living totally debt free. There may have been a discussion around not allowing me to come back once I shared that with the group. Obviously, I was overly cautious – probably because I was on my own for the first time in my life. Even though I was financially stable, I had a hard time believing it. A big part of my insecurity came from my negative core belief or unworthiness and the fear that accompanied that.
Time is another area that I have struggled to manage in a balanced way. People have often told me that I get more done in a day than they do in a week. My need to gain approval from others has often motivated me to keep going when others would have stopped. Now, I try to look at what I set out to achieve and ask myself who I am doing it for and why. If I am not doing it for myself, then I try to understand what is motivating me to do it for someone else. Is it something that I sincerely want to do for someone, or am I caught up in my old pattern of looking for approval? Helping with my grand-girls or teaching a class at a women’s shelter are totally legitimate activities that I love to do for others, but serving on a committee at church out of guilt does not qualify as a healthy reason.
I have often equated financial security with worthiness. I would like to rest assured that my financial success and the way I spend my time have nothing to do with my worthiness, especially as it relates to how others perceive me. The huge shift I would like to embrace is feeling worthy to accept financial security within – free of how others perceive my financial success or lack of it.
Time-wise I would like to feel totally at peace with using my time exactly as I please, which would mean giving up my desire to impress others with how much I accomplish or using my time to do things that will impress others. I would like to give myself permission to use my time as the valuable gift that it is and not obsess about whether or not I am meeting other people’s expectations. I would love to not think of money as my security. I would rather view it as a useful tool, but rest assured that I will have all that I need. The same is true of time.
What changes would you like to see in how you experience money in your life? How would your life be better if you experienced money in this way? What do you want to feel/experience more or less of by shifting in how you currently experience money?
Embrace change. Don’t let fear of the unknown impede your personal and professional growth. ~Larree Renda